Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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