I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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