never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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