So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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