in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
