dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He felt like a one man threesome
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
