Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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