My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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