It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
