i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
