i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
