Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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