how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
