Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
