Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
