don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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