I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
