I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
