i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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