i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
