I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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