history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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