I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
