PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
