bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just cropdusted the office
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
