I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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