i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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