I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
