I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize