cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
