remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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