I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
