I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.