someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu