There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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