I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*