My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
