cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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