after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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