So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
