4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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