dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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