I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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