I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
this hospital has no fireball
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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