Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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