The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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