i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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