I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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