dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
