these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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