Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
