but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
