So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
