my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
