dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
