Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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