Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
