that's what penises do
they tell lies.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
