Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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