so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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