Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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