there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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