We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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