are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
