is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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