I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
