I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
