He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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