You really coming over, don't trick.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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