she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
