i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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