cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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