well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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