Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
